Lost, and then found.

It has been far too long since I did a blog posting. I slacked because I was trying really hard to keep up in my personal journal so I just didn't have as much time to post, but now I've fallen behind in that, but a few things have happened that I really just feel like sharing with the world. I feel like I have grown so much over the past few days. It's so weird. I had some new experiences that I really feel have changed me as a person overall. Even though I may not have made the best decisions over the weekend, the more I think about it, the more I'm realizing that everything, EVERYTHING happens for a reason. I was supposed to screw up. I'm supposed to make mistakes because that is how we learn and grow. And right now I have realized a few things. Most importantly for me: I've learned that even though I'm not perfect, I see myself a lot differently than everyone else does. Just because sometimes I really do not like what I see in the mirror, that doesn't mean everyone else sees me that way too. I am beautiful in my own way and I can be loved and desired even though I may not have the ideal build, the most perfect physique or anything else. I think I'm finally beginning to accept myself and I've finally realized that I can accept how I am. I'm finally beginning to be able to love myself and that is worth the biggest mistakes in the world.

The other thing I have realized recently is the power of communication and remembering that there are a few people in this world that love me so much, they don't care how many mistakes I make or what I do. Of course they are concerned and can be disappointed, but they LOVE ME. They will never abandon me and that is so powerful. I am so lucky and so blessed to have several of those people in my life. A few in particular I would like to shout out to.



Kelton K. Wells, thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for knowing me so much better than I know myself, and better than anyone else in this world and loving me for who I am. I don't know how I got so lucky to have you in my life. You've made such a huge impact on me and I cannot put into words how beautiful our relationship is. Yes we have our ups and downs, but we always work through them. I love you so much and am so grateful for everything you've done for me. You are my white knight.



Rachel Michelle Ryan, you have changed my life in more ways than I thought one person could. I love you so much. You have taught me more in the last three years about people, love, loyalty, and friendship than I could have ever learned on my own. I look forward to our lifelong friendship and the fun we are going to have. You are such an amazing individual and are one of the most genuine, beautiful and loving people I have ever had the pleasure of interacting with.



Lisha Lynn Michele, I feel as though we have been friends forever and yet, we have only been friends a short time. You are such an amazing person and I love that you can accept me for who I am, screw-ups and all. You have taught me to love myself despite my imperfections and that means so much to me. You are such an amazing person and I love you so much.

Sterling Kade Anderson, I have known and loved you for years and I am so glad that we have gotten so close again recently. We've been through a lot and I'm so grateful we're such good friends. You have shown me that people are so much deeper than you think until you truly get to know them. I love that you accept me for who I am. You make me feel beautiful and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that.

Michael Scott Johnson, I remember the first time I saw you was in the very first play CEU's Theatre Department performed during the fall 2008 semester and I instantly had a crush on you. I'm so grateful for the opportunity I've had to get to know you and I absolutely love the fact that we are such good friends now. You're always inspiring me to think outside of the box and introducing me to things I had never even thought of before. I love that you pretty much know all my secrets and insecurities and you help me to rise above them. Thank you so much for being who you are and loving me for who I am. I love you so much.

You have all touched my life in ways that will stay with me forever. I love us and I love the wonderful times we have shared and have yet to share. This post is to us, inspiration, realization, acceptance, beauty, growth and love. I hope I can hang onto these feelings forever because right now, life is wonderful.