All Hallow's Eve 2010

This weekend has been so much fun! It was just the break from work that I've been needing. Even though work is part of my weekend... On with the tale!

Friday:

I worked all afternoon, but it was probably the best day to work ever! It was the resident's halloween party so just to get into the spirit, most of the staff dressed up and most of the resident's that attended the party dressed up as well. They were all so cute! I wore my kitty mask since I still had to wear my scrubs, but wanted to get into the spirit and still be able to work. Even the administration and the nurses dressed up! There was tons of candy being passed around, pumpkin painting and games. One of my favorite residents was dressed up as a chef and was in one of those blow up fat costumes and let me tell you, it was the funniest thing in the world to see her pushing her walker down the hall with that extra wide costume on! Anyway, all us CNA's were hyper and joking with each other all night and it was just so fun. After work that night, I was going to go to the college for the mentalist show, but got out of work kind of late and then had to run home to wash my clothes and shower. (Two of our residents have MRSA and I've been exposed to it. I'm paranoid and taking EVERY possible precaution so I don't get sick!) By the time I got done, it was late and I dozed off on the couch. I woke back up around one and couldn't go back to sleep so I decided to watch a scary movie. Stupid idea. I was home all alone and decided to watch the original 80's version of "Nightmare on Elm Street." Basically I screamed a lot and dreamed of Freddy Krueger that night...

Saturday:

I spent most of the day with my family and went with my brothers to the ward trunk or treat. My brothers are so funny! The 11-year old was dressed as Santa, the 8-year old was a red-eyed phantom and the 5-year old was Woody from Toy Story. We had so much fun! Woody wouldn't let me leave his side and was so excited to get all his candy! Red-eyed phantom got the award for the scariest costume and Santa made a lot of people laugh! After all the trunk or treating, my mom was feeling really tired, but wanted to have a good laugh so we put in our favorite Halloween movie of all time: "Ernest Scared Stupid." I hadn't seen the movie in years and we really enjoyed ourselves. After the movie, it was time for the kids to go to bed and Rach called me and invited me to go to a haunted house with her and bo-bo. The haunted house/spook alley was being held in a local ghost town and let me tell you, we all 3 got scared out of our wits! It was so awesome! I was terrified through the whole thing and we had such a blast laughing and screaming through the whole thing! Pretty much, we had a great time with the drive across the county and being so scared! After we got back to town we just hung out for awhile and enjoyed each other's company.

Sunday:

It was so great to sleep in! I went to church with my family and then went to Rach's work to keep her company for awhile. I then enjoyed a quiet evening with me, myself, and ABC's family's 13 Nights of Halloween specials.

Pretty much it was a great weekend and I think I'm ready to get back into the books tomorrow.

Pictures for your viewing pleasure:

A Defining Moment

Here's my deep thinking blog. Enjoy. Don't judge. Realize and accept that I think some pretty crazy things sometimes.

I've been thinking a lot about change and who people really are lately and mostly about who I really am. I'm not exactly the same person I was in high school, my first year of college, my second year of college, heck even four months ago. Some changes were forced upon me, some were gradual. Some I started, most life threw at me and I just had to strap in for the ride.

Some things never change.

• I'm genuine, loving, accepting, open minded and sincere. BUT I'm not as free with those qualities as I once was. I've been walked on and betrayed too many times to be so trusting. Once I've let you in, it's all or nothing. Not everyone is who they appear to be.
• I'm forgiving. BUT I'm not forgetful. I don't hold hurts against you but I don't forget as easily as I once did. Goes back to the whole trust thing.
• I love to laugh. Sometimes I'm way too open. If I think it's funny, I seem to think everyone thinks it's funny too and some things should stay inside jokes.
• Music always has been and always will be a part of my life. I'm realizing more and more just how much saving grace and power it has.

A few things I'm learning. Others I'm still learning.

• Loved ones leave physically, but not spiritually. My grandfather's death was by far the most heart-breaking, painful and awful experience I've ever been through. It was also the most spiritual, tender and biggest learning experience as well. I learned more about myself and my family than I ever thought possible in that kind of situation.
• Things rarely go exactly according to plan BUT there is a reason for everything. I know there is a reason I got into the nursing program this past year. I also know there is a reason I was not supposed to complete it this year.
• Some of the things that the imporant people mind do matter. Mistakes cost friendships, respect, and trust. It's really hard to get those things back. It's ever harder to admit that you screwed up and now have to let go of your ego and fix it.
• And possibly one of the most important things I'm STILL learning: Choices are everything! They can change the entire course of you life in an instant. They can create years of hardships or happiness. Your choices define you.

Pretty much it's been a rough week. Desire and motivation are two very different things and I have a lot of one and none of the other. I'm sure you can guess which is which. At least this weekend is Halloween and I can take a breather! My next blog will be all about my scary adventures! WHOO!!

A silly sidenote!

So I've been having lots and lots of thoughts recently and keep thinking I need to write a blog about all my deep thinking. But I'm really not in the mood for it right now and something really funny happened yesterday that I really want to share.

Nobody really seems to understand how out of control my hair is. I've loved having it so short so I can do more with it, but it's still a frizzy mess and when I woke up yesterday, I couldn't help but laugh out loud!

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I WASH MY HAIR BEFORE BED AND THEN SLEEP ON IT:

Passion

According to the dictionary the definition of passion is an intense, driving, compelling or overpowering feeling or emotion; particularly love.

I will tell you all now:

I HAVE AN OVERWHELMING PASSION FOR MUSIC.

Music is the driving force in my life, one of the few things that inspire me, something I'm good at, I'm willing to better myself at, and moves me. Music takes over where words fail. Music is the love of my life.

For me specifically, I never feel more alive, more in tune with my soul, more emotional, or more determined than when I have my flute in my hands and up to my lips. My flute is my greatest talent, my greatest accomplishment and my most prized possession. If I had my way I would never put it down.

About two weeks ago a very rare opportunity was placed before me. I had to postpone a great goal I had set for myself and the decision to do that was not easy. BUT, a greater opportunity was placed before me and I could not pass it up. I have been asked to be the floutist in the pit orchestra for the musical USU-CEU is performing this month, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. Unfortunately one of the performances is on the same night I was supposed to run in the 5k in Salt Lake, so I will not be running, but I do still plan to do a 5k sometime this fall.

The past few nights at rehearsal I have loved this rare opportunity. I have felt more peaceful and fulfilled than I have in a long long time. Words cannot describe how much love and PASSION I have for music. I thank God everyday for the talents in music that he gave me and the opportunity I have to share them.

Seeing clearly

It's been a pretty intense first few weeks of school. I guess I should officially announce since most people are realizing and asking about it. Yes people, it's true. I dropped out of the nursing program. Why you ask? Family circumstances. You don't need to know the details. The director knows why and I know why. That's all that's important. So please, feel free to talk about me, speculate amongst yourselves and spread rumors, or add to the ones that are currently circulating. I can't help but laugh at the ideas people seem to have. Anyway, I'm still at good ole CEU just working on some final classes for my associates degree and taking it easy while I try to slow my life down a little bit. Sadly, drama has permeated my life once again. But you know what, I'm thankful for the experience. I've learned more about myself and the people around me than I even thought was there. Relationships have been strengthened for the better and others have been cut completely. In some ways, it's sad that things turned out the way they did, but for the most part, I have come to see what I will and will not tolerate in a friendship. Now I feel so free, so relieved and grateful for the people in my life who are true to me no matter what. Also, I have gained such a stronger love for my family. I'm so glad for an older brother who is not only my sibling, but one of my best friends.

On a side note, I chopped my hair super short about two weeks ago and I LOVE IT! Who knew after having long hair for so long...

Having a hard time finding my Big Girl Panties...

It has been so incredibly long since I've blogged because I figure not every blog that I post should be depressing. Well, I'm sorry people but that is what is going on in my life right now and if you don't like it, then don't read it.
For almost two weeks now I feel as though I have been stuck in the mud, spinning my wheels, going nowhere and making a bigger mess of things than they already were. The worst summer and/or 3 months of my life is coming to an end. The whole summer seems to be in somewhat of a fog and everything hurts too much to think about. My whole world has been turned upside down and I've spent especially the last week doing nothing but dwelling on that and having a flipping pity party about it. I haven't talked to hardly anyone, I've neglected all the important people in my life besides my mom and now I sit here realizing how truly alone I am. I've lost my best friend. 3 of my closest friends moved away to college this last week. I said good-bye to one of them. And now it's too late and I feel nothing but regret that I did not pull myself out of my hole to spend a little more time with them before they left. Old friends that left at the beginning of the summer have told me that I've been missed, asked me how I've been, tried to be encouraging. And I've ignored them. And now more time has gone by than I realized before and once again I regret that I did not take a little more time to reply, to do something. My friends that are right here with me have not seen or heard from me in weeks. And until recently, I didn't care. I only wanted to be alone to try and repair the hole in my heart that death left there. I never thought that I would fall apart in a situationlike this, to be put right back in the rut I thought I was finally crawling out of. I owe a lot of people apologies and I don't know how to go about repairing the damage that has been done.
I only hope this next semester is better. That I will be able to possibly figure out what I'm doing with my life. It's not going to be anything close to what I thought it was going to be less than a month ago, but I guess we have to accept change and work with what is in front of us.


Music is ever inspiring. Here's a song I hadn't heard in a long time and I feel describes what seems to be happening in my head right now.

"It's My Life"

Looking out the airplane window
Thirty thousand miles of shadow
All the silver linings bend into the night
Never any hesitation
Never any explanation
I wish I had a ticket off this flight

Everything keeps moving fast
What I want is what I have
Right now, I’m closer that I thought I could be

It’s my life, my time to find the answers
Don’t always know what kind of road is in front of me
But I’ll go slow wanna remember every moment
That this is by the goodness ride has ever been
It’s my life

In times I really miss my family
I wonder what they're doing right now
I know their thinking of me
I can’t imagine where I’m going
But I know where it is I come from
And it makes me feel complete

Everything keeps moving fast
What I want is what I have
Right now, I’m closer that I thought I could be

It’s my life, my time to find the answers
Don’t always know what kind of road is in front of me
But I’ll go slow wanna remember every moment
That passes by the goodness ride has ever been
It’s my life, it’s my life

And it’s a real good fight
Trying to find what’s mine
Tryin’ to be who I’m supposed to be
It’s my life, its my time to find the answers
Don’t always know what kind of road is in front of me
But I’ll go slow wanna remember every moment
That passes by the goodness ride has every thing
It’s my life

I'm getting motion sickness....

The freaking roller coaster of life is making me sick! Just when things are starting to look up, it all comes crashing back down again. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, they did. My poor mother is at her wit's end with my siblings, my older brother is having more job/money trouble, and I'm cracking under stress. And then on top of everything, I haven't even had my car a week and already it's out of comission!

The running over of this:


Resulted in this:


Which means we're back to this:


Until I can order new tires, it's back to the beast. Dang construction on my road. ARGH!

I just want my Aveo back. :(

FML!