What is my problem? Good question.

I need some feedback. Honest feedback. I don't think the same way most people do and I certainly don't feel the way most people do and so I never know if what I am thinking and feeling is accurate or if I'm just being paranoid or if I'm not seeing the whole picture. Bear with me, it's been a long week.
So I'm still loving Cedar City. I love SUU and I love my classes and what I am learning. But I have never been so alone. I can't even express how much I miss my family, (FAMILY not Price.) and my friends who loved and accepted me no matter what. I feel like I have been forgotten by some people and despite efforts to maintain contact, I'm ignored. Do I need to make more effort? Do I just need to be patient? Am I being paranoid in thinking that they are glad they no longer have to see me? I know that seems silly or stupid to some people, but I can't help how I think and feel. I always knew that ours paths would not be side by side forever, but I can't help how important some people still are to me and it's killing me to be so far away. I think my biggest problem right now is that I'm not around people that know me well enough to know that I have serious needs that I'm not able to have filled. I need to be hugged. I need hugs on a daily basis and I'm not getting it. My brothers knew this and it makes me miss them that much more. I miss my Grandma for this reason and most of all, I miss my mom. I'm really hating growing up right now. I'm hating that I can't feel what is considered normal. But most of all I'm hating that I can't have my best friends right here with me when I need them the most.

The 30 Day Blog Challenge - DAY 1

So everyone is doing the 30 day blog challenge and I'm feeling a little left out. I thought about being the odd one out and not doing it, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to do it and I figure some people might actually LIKE reading about my life. As if, haha! So what the heck! For your reading pleasere: Day 1 - A picture of me and a description of my day so far.






This picture of me is one of my favorites and that is because my mom absolutly adores it. I know that my mom loves me no matter what, but it still means something to hear her call me beautiful.

My day so far. In a word: Crap. The past few months have been a stuggle for me and today is no exception. I feel like I'm draggin myself through every single day, not really getting anything accomplished, not doing as well as I could, and certainly not doing what I want to be doing. I don't know how to explain to people so they will understand the challenge that has been placed before me that I have been battling for years. Some days are easier that others, but today has not been very easy. Bed was so much more appealing than my first two classes and even my test this afternoon. Whoops. But what did make my day was a surprise package containing a much needed brand new pair of fantastic sneakers! Thanks Kelty! But the good feelings never last very long and the feelings of doubt and discouragement soon invade. Thank goodness I still have wind symphony tonight and that will be my saving grace for today.

What a happy post! K, bye!

Epic fail.

WARNING: PESSIMISM AHEAD.

If you don't want to read negativity, stop now. You've been warned.

I just need to vent for a moment. I really hate that every time I've had a good couple of days, that I've been feeling really good, that I'm trying so hard to be positive, to improve and just do better, I crash and burn. EVERY TIME. Never fails.

The perfect analogy:

In the race of life, I'm a car at the starting line with all the other vehicles. The whistle blows, the flag is thrown and everyone takes off. Everyone but me. I'm sitting at the starting line, barely moving even though I'm pumping the gas and the engine is revving. There is something seriously wrong with my drive line.