The Beauty of Music

Last night I had the wonderful opportunity to participate in my 8th consecutive performance with the Eastern Utah Wind Symphony. The performance was successful, was well-loved by the audience and I felt fully accomplished. I love being part of such a diverse and talented group of musicians that ranges from professionals to students. We work under an amazing conductor, Dr. Greg Benson, who never fails to impress. I am proud to call myself a band geek!


I am so thankful for my opportunities to further my musical knowledge while keeping my skills well polished and well rounded. Not only instrumental music, but all the performing arts are by far my favorite thing in the world. I'm constantly being awed, inspired, changed, and emotionally moved by participating in, and watching the arts. I love it with all my heart and I thank Heavenly Father every day for the talents and opportunites I have been given and that I have this great gift in my life. Music makes me feel more alive than I am capable of feeling any other time. I cannot put into words the love and passion I have for music.

In honor of our Veterans

Today is Veteran's day and my heart is very full. Both of my grandfathers served our country, my Grandpa Nelson served in the Army in the Korean War and my Grandpa Grundvig served in the Navy during World War II. I salute those who have the honor and courage to risk their lives for our country to preserve the freedoms that we all as United States citizens enjoy today. Love a Veteran and support our troops!

For wind symphony this sememster we are playing a song called "American Heroes" as part of our concert. I cannot help but tear up everytime I hear "Anchors Away." My grandpa, H. Levon Grundvig served in the Navy in WWII. Not only was he an American Hero, he was my hero and so beloved not only by my family, but everyone he knew. He touched so many lives and I miss him so much. Today it has been four months since he left this mortal life and it has not gotten any easier. My heart still aches and I wish more than anything I could hug him one more time. Thank goodness for the gospel and eternal families.

First post of November!

A new month has begun and I cannot believe that it is the second to last month of the year. Where has 2010 gone?? I don't know, discussing this year will be for another blog post. For now, I just need to vent. Work has been awful lately. I have not enjoyed going to work at all, administration is picking us apart for small mishaps and I'm really sick of feeling picked on. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not stupid and I do care about my job, what I do, and I try my best. But I'm human. I make mistakes. Especially when I've been doing the same thing for as long as I have. Also, I hate working full time. If I wasn't in school, wouldn't be half so bad, but I have no social life, no time for homework, I feel like no time for myself and my family. Not fun. Work blows, but I have made the choice to be a responsible adult, to make my own living, to take care of myself and to be independent. Every choice has consequences and this was my choice. Now I'm dealing with those consequences and should probably stop complaining. My poor brother has been unemployed for who knows how long and I have a great, steady, decent paying job that I usually enjoy doing. Shut up, Farrah. Just shut up.
Next item on the venting/thinking agenda. I met up with an old friend this past week who I had had a very unfortunate falling out with. We patched things up and it was absolutely fantastic. Of course we are nowhere near to what we were, but all the hurt is behind us, we're starting new and there is no more awkwardness! Yes! It felt so good, just to rid of the burden of wondering why we couldn't just work things out is gone and I've tasted sweet forgiveness. Given and recieved. (And I thought I never held a grudge...)
Speaking of friends (or my lack thereof at the moment...) I've kept feeling like I'm losing one of my most beloved friends. It feels like there is a distance between us that is slowly growing. I've spent hours upon hours trying to figure out what could be creating it, fueling it, causing it to grow and I could never put my finger on it. I kept thinking that they were just getting tired of me being around, they were distancing themselves because I was too needy, too outspoken, too selfish, too something. But it hit me like a ton of bricks a yesterday. When I was having one of my deep thinking moments (happens alot when you can't sleep...) I realized that some of my own foolish choices have created the chasm there. I've never been one to step out of my shell, my comfort zone, by myself, whatever. I've always needed the comfort of someone I knew to come with me to the party, be in the class with me, boost my confidence. Well, I've been following the wrong crowd, knowing good and well, it was going to get me into trouble one day. Because now I'm really out of my comfort zone. I'm standing out in the middle of nowhere all by myself wondering why (not how) the heck I'm there. I know full good and well how I got there, the question is why? Why did I make some of the choices I've made. Well to be honest, I don't really know, but the past cannot be changed. Moral of the story: my true friends will always be in the same place. Solid as a rock and immovable. I was the weak one and I have to find the will to pull myself back to my comfort zone that I so foolishly left. The immovable one will not step off the beaten path, only direct me how to find my way back to it. So now I am faced with another choice, feel sorry for myself, sit down where I am and quit, or tighten my belt and go against the current to get back to the place I should be even though it's not easy, it's not pleasant and it's going to hurt. Well, I may be weak, but I'm not a quitter. Motivation may not be abundant, but desire is. Once again I'm dealing with my consequences and these I like even less than working full time.
Sorry to be all weird. Tends to happen when I can't sleep and I think to much. And the fact that I've been working four days in a row, little sleep and an ever growing pile of homework doesn't really help. Good thing I get next weekend off.

All Hallow's Eve 2010

This weekend has been so much fun! It was just the break from work that I've been needing. Even though work is part of my weekend... On with the tale!

Friday:

I worked all afternoon, but it was probably the best day to work ever! It was the resident's halloween party so just to get into the spirit, most of the staff dressed up and most of the resident's that attended the party dressed up as well. They were all so cute! I wore my kitty mask since I still had to wear my scrubs, but wanted to get into the spirit and still be able to work. Even the administration and the nurses dressed up! There was tons of candy being passed around, pumpkin painting and games. One of my favorite residents was dressed up as a chef and was in one of those blow up fat costumes and let me tell you, it was the funniest thing in the world to see her pushing her walker down the hall with that extra wide costume on! Anyway, all us CNA's were hyper and joking with each other all night and it was just so fun. After work that night, I was going to go to the college for the mentalist show, but got out of work kind of late and then had to run home to wash my clothes and shower. (Two of our residents have MRSA and I've been exposed to it. I'm paranoid and taking EVERY possible precaution so I don't get sick!) By the time I got done, it was late and I dozed off on the couch. I woke back up around one and couldn't go back to sleep so I decided to watch a scary movie. Stupid idea. I was home all alone and decided to watch the original 80's version of "Nightmare on Elm Street." Basically I screamed a lot and dreamed of Freddy Krueger that night...

Saturday:

I spent most of the day with my family and went with my brothers to the ward trunk or treat. My brothers are so funny! The 11-year old was dressed as Santa, the 8-year old was a red-eyed phantom and the 5-year old was Woody from Toy Story. We had so much fun! Woody wouldn't let me leave his side and was so excited to get all his candy! Red-eyed phantom got the award for the scariest costume and Santa made a lot of people laugh! After all the trunk or treating, my mom was feeling really tired, but wanted to have a good laugh so we put in our favorite Halloween movie of all time: "Ernest Scared Stupid." I hadn't seen the movie in years and we really enjoyed ourselves. After the movie, it was time for the kids to go to bed and Rach called me and invited me to go to a haunted house with her and bo-bo. The haunted house/spook alley was being held in a local ghost town and let me tell you, we all 3 got scared out of our wits! It was so awesome! I was terrified through the whole thing and we had such a blast laughing and screaming through the whole thing! Pretty much, we had a great time with the drive across the county and being so scared! After we got back to town we just hung out for awhile and enjoyed each other's company.

Sunday:

It was so great to sleep in! I went to church with my family and then went to Rach's work to keep her company for awhile. I then enjoyed a quiet evening with me, myself, and ABC's family's 13 Nights of Halloween specials.

Pretty much it was a great weekend and I think I'm ready to get back into the books tomorrow.

Pictures for your viewing pleasure:

A Defining Moment

Here's my deep thinking blog. Enjoy. Don't judge. Realize and accept that I think some pretty crazy things sometimes.

I've been thinking a lot about change and who people really are lately and mostly about who I really am. I'm not exactly the same person I was in high school, my first year of college, my second year of college, heck even four months ago. Some changes were forced upon me, some were gradual. Some I started, most life threw at me and I just had to strap in for the ride.

Some things never change.

• I'm genuine, loving, accepting, open minded and sincere. BUT I'm not as free with those qualities as I once was. I've been walked on and betrayed too many times to be so trusting. Once I've let you in, it's all or nothing. Not everyone is who they appear to be.
• I'm forgiving. BUT I'm not forgetful. I don't hold hurts against you but I don't forget as easily as I once did. Goes back to the whole trust thing.
• I love to laugh. Sometimes I'm way too open. If I think it's funny, I seem to think everyone thinks it's funny too and some things should stay inside jokes.
• Music always has been and always will be a part of my life. I'm realizing more and more just how much saving grace and power it has.

A few things I'm learning. Others I'm still learning.

• Loved ones leave physically, but not spiritually. My grandfather's death was by far the most heart-breaking, painful and awful experience I've ever been through. It was also the most spiritual, tender and biggest learning experience as well. I learned more about myself and my family than I ever thought possible in that kind of situation.
• Things rarely go exactly according to plan BUT there is a reason for everything. I know there is a reason I got into the nursing program this past year. I also know there is a reason I was not supposed to complete it this year.
• Some of the things that the imporant people mind do matter. Mistakes cost friendships, respect, and trust. It's really hard to get those things back. It's ever harder to admit that you screwed up and now have to let go of your ego and fix it.
• And possibly one of the most important things I'm STILL learning: Choices are everything! They can change the entire course of you life in an instant. They can create years of hardships or happiness. Your choices define you.

Pretty much it's been a rough week. Desire and motivation are two very different things and I have a lot of one and none of the other. I'm sure you can guess which is which. At least this weekend is Halloween and I can take a breather! My next blog will be all about my scary adventures! WHOO!!

A silly sidenote!

So I've been having lots and lots of thoughts recently and keep thinking I need to write a blog about all my deep thinking. But I'm really not in the mood for it right now and something really funny happened yesterday that I really want to share.

Nobody really seems to understand how out of control my hair is. I've loved having it so short so I can do more with it, but it's still a frizzy mess and when I woke up yesterday, I couldn't help but laugh out loud!

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I WASH MY HAIR BEFORE BED AND THEN SLEEP ON IT:

Passion

According to the dictionary the definition of passion is an intense, driving, compelling or overpowering feeling or emotion; particularly love.

I will tell you all now:

I HAVE AN OVERWHELMING PASSION FOR MUSIC.

Music is the driving force in my life, one of the few things that inspire me, something I'm good at, I'm willing to better myself at, and moves me. Music takes over where words fail. Music is the love of my life.

For me specifically, I never feel more alive, more in tune with my soul, more emotional, or more determined than when I have my flute in my hands and up to my lips. My flute is my greatest talent, my greatest accomplishment and my most prized possession. If I had my way I would never put it down.

About two weeks ago a very rare opportunity was placed before me. I had to postpone a great goal I had set for myself and the decision to do that was not easy. BUT, a greater opportunity was placed before me and I could not pass it up. I have been asked to be the floutist in the pit orchestra for the musical USU-CEU is performing this month, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. Unfortunately one of the performances is on the same night I was supposed to run in the 5k in Salt Lake, so I will not be running, but I do still plan to do a 5k sometime this fall.

The past few nights at rehearsal I have loved this rare opportunity. I have felt more peaceful and fulfilled than I have in a long long time. Words cannot describe how much love and PASSION I have for music. I thank God everyday for the talents in music that he gave me and the opportunity I have to share them.