I need some feedback. Honest feedback. I don't think the same way most people do and I certainly don't feel the way most people do and so I never know if what I am thinking and feeling is accurate or if I'm just being paranoid or if I'm not seeing the whole picture. Bear with me, it's been a long week.
So I'm still loving Cedar City. I love SUU and I love my classes and what I am learning. But I have never been so alone. I can't even express how much I miss my family, (FAMILY not Price.) and my friends who loved and accepted me no matter what. I feel like I have been forgotten by some people and despite efforts to maintain contact, I'm ignored. Do I need to make more effort? Do I just need to be patient? Am I being paranoid in thinking that they are glad they no longer have to see me? I know that seems silly or stupid to some people, but I can't help how I think and feel. I always knew that ours paths would not be side by side forever, but I can't help how important some people still are to me and it's killing me to be so far away. I think my biggest problem right now is that I'm not around people that know me well enough to know that I have serious needs that I'm not able to have filled. I need to be hugged. I need hugs on a daily basis and I'm not getting it. My brothers knew this and it makes me miss them that much more. I miss my Grandma for this reason and most of all, I miss my mom. I'm really hating growing up right now. I'm hating that I can't feel what is considered normal. But most of all I'm hating that I can't have my best friends right here with me when I need them the most.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Naughty Farrah!
I am so bad about updating my blog! Honestly, I keep forgetting and then when I remember, the stupid wi-fi decides that it's not going to work, for hours. Anyway, I'll do my best to fill in on all the important details...
3 weeks ago today I moved from my home town about 3 1/2 hours south to Cedar City to attend the university. I was so nervous about my roommate situation, employment situation, class situation and study situation. My roommates are phenomenal! There are four of us living in one apartment, and we ALL get along great! We are all so different, but we respect each other's property, preferences, and hobbies. We have "roommate dinner," "roommate movies," and "support which show your roommate wants to watch" dates. Which means I have started watching WWE 'Raw' and 'Teen Mom' as well as 'Jershey Shore' but it's so much fun! And I feel so lucky that I was put with such amazing people. I do think it's funny, however that all 3 of my roomies requested non-LDS apartment mates and they got stuck with me!
As far as class and study goes, I love my classes and I am loving what I am learning! Being in a new place and starting fresh has really made me remember how much I love to learn. I feel newly invigorated to keep up in every one of my classes and it is such a great feeling. As far as the employment situation goes, I'm still working on that one.
All the positive has not come with no negative however. I feel like I'm handling the challenges so much better despite past difficulties. I'm thinking clearly and logically and am trying so hard not to let the speedbumps bring me down. The first weekend after classes had begun we had a get together at our apartment with a group of people we had become friends with that mostly consisted of foreign exchange students. I found out by accident a few days later that I was known as 'The Ugly One' among several of them. My roommates and several others in the group had my back on that one though and certain individuals are no longer allowed over and I recieved a very heartfelt apology. It still hurt though. For those who know me, it's not hard to realize I'm somewhat self-conscious no matter how hard I try not to be. I managed to pick myself back up and dust off fairly easily from that one. I can't allow petty things like that to hinder me from moving forward. What good would it do to dwell on what some jerk said and let it affect how I see myself for the rest on my life? I'm not blind nor stupid. I know I'm not the most attractive person or the hottest thing on the block, but I'm comfortable in my own skin and I love who I am. I'm not perfect by any means, but I try very hard to constantly improve.
The next challenge was the passing of my Grandpa Nelson a few days ago. Although death is never easy, this death was taken as more of a relief than a true tragedy. He has been sick for years and he is now free of his suffering and is able to walk and talk easily and has been reunited with his family. I love my Grandpa and he will be greatly missed. Sadly I think I'm having more of a hard time than I usually would just because it is causing me to relive my Grandpa Grundvig's death which occured a little over a year ago. I still just have to be so grateful for the promise of eternal family.
Well friends, I think that's all the important things. I will try my best to keep up better with the blogging.
3 weeks ago today I moved from my home town about 3 1/2 hours south to Cedar City to attend the university. I was so nervous about my roommate situation, employment situation, class situation and study situation. My roommates are phenomenal! There are four of us living in one apartment, and we ALL get along great! We are all so different, but we respect each other's property, preferences, and hobbies. We have "roommate dinner," "roommate movies," and "support which show your roommate wants to watch" dates. Which means I have started watching WWE 'Raw' and 'Teen Mom' as well as 'Jershey Shore' but it's so much fun! And I feel so lucky that I was put with such amazing people. I do think it's funny, however that all 3 of my roomies requested non-LDS apartment mates and they got stuck with me!
As far as class and study goes, I love my classes and I am loving what I am learning! Being in a new place and starting fresh has really made me remember how much I love to learn. I feel newly invigorated to keep up in every one of my classes and it is such a great feeling. As far as the employment situation goes, I'm still working on that one.
All the positive has not come with no negative however. I feel like I'm handling the challenges so much better despite past difficulties. I'm thinking clearly and logically and am trying so hard not to let the speedbumps bring me down. The first weekend after classes had begun we had a get together at our apartment with a group of people we had become friends with that mostly consisted of foreign exchange students. I found out by accident a few days later that I was known as 'The Ugly One' among several of them. My roommates and several others in the group had my back on that one though and certain individuals are no longer allowed over and I recieved a very heartfelt apology. It still hurt though. For those who know me, it's not hard to realize I'm somewhat self-conscious no matter how hard I try not to be. I managed to pick myself back up and dust off fairly easily from that one. I can't allow petty things like that to hinder me from moving forward. What good would it do to dwell on what some jerk said and let it affect how I see myself for the rest on my life? I'm not blind nor stupid. I know I'm not the most attractive person or the hottest thing on the block, but I'm comfortable in my own skin and I love who I am. I'm not perfect by any means, but I try very hard to constantly improve.
The next challenge was the passing of my Grandpa Nelson a few days ago. Although death is never easy, this death was taken as more of a relief than a true tragedy. He has been sick for years and he is now free of his suffering and is able to walk and talk easily and has been reunited with his family. I love my Grandpa and he will be greatly missed. Sadly I think I'm having more of a hard time than I usually would just because it is causing me to relive my Grandpa Grundvig's death which occured a little over a year ago. I still just have to be so grateful for the promise of eternal family.
Well friends, I think that's all the important things. I will try my best to keep up better with the blogging.
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