I need some feedback. Honest feedback. I don't think the same way most people do and I certainly don't feel the way most people do and so I never know if what I am thinking and feeling is accurate or if I'm just being paranoid or if I'm not seeing the whole picture. Bear with me, it's been a long week.
So I'm still loving Cedar City. I love SUU and I love my classes and what I am learning. But I have never been so alone. I can't even express how much I miss my family, (FAMILY not Price.) and my friends who loved and accepted me no matter what. I feel like I have been forgotten by some people and despite efforts to maintain contact, I'm ignored. Do I need to make more effort? Do I just need to be patient? Am I being paranoid in thinking that they are glad they no longer have to see me? I know that seems silly or stupid to some people, but I can't help how I think and feel. I always knew that ours paths would not be side by side forever, but I can't help how important some people still are to me and it's killing me to be so far away. I think my biggest problem right now is that I'm not around people that know me well enough to know that I have serious needs that I'm not able to have filled. I need to be hugged. I need hugs on a daily basis and I'm not getting it. My brothers knew this and it makes me miss them that much more. I miss my Grandma for this reason and most of all, I miss my mom. I'm really hating growing up right now. I'm hating that I can't feel what is considered normal. But most of all I'm hating that I can't have my best friends right here with me when I need them the most.
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I can relate. However, it's pretty common when you move to drift apart from old friends. It's part of change. You just gotta grin and bare it until you find other people to meet your needs. They're out there. It's not YOU, it's LIFE. Just keep telling yourself that. :) Hope it gets better!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, what you are feeling is COMPLETELY normal. So don't think it isn't. It's homesickness. It sucks and it hurts but it's normal. I guess I forget sometimes that you and Kelton haven't done the whole "living far away from home" thing. I forgot what that was like. I'm sorry if you feel like I have abandoned you or that I'm happy to be rid of you. Because that could not be further from the truth. I missed you so much on my birthday I was in tears. It breaks my heart on Sunday nights when I'm not with you guys. It's hard. But I guess I've just dived into this new life that I have and haven't taken as much time for my best friends as I should. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. No one, and I mean NO ONE is happy to be rid of you. You are an amazing person who touches everyone you come in contact with. Give it time and the hurt will lessen. But in the meantime, don't be afraid to reach out to those that you need. There is no shame in needing. If you EVER need to talk please call me. I'm busy, but I'm not too busy for my Farrah. It will get better. I promise you. Keep your chin up my dear!
ReplyDeleteFarrah, I feel the same way. I miss Troy and Kelton so badly and we're all just so busy. But here's one thing...you and I have never been close, but we both live in Cedar City. Give me a call.
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