What a day... Full and long and full of strange feelings. My grandfather began chemotherapy today. I went over to visit him last night because I didn't know how sick he was going to be after beginning treatment today. I was so glad I went and saw him though, but it was possible the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life. When I saw him nine days ago, he walked out to the fence to talk to me when I had been walking through the neighborhood with my mom. When I saw him yesterday, he could not even move from one chair to the other without having to stop and just inhale his oxygen. He couldn't even talk to me without struggling for air. It breaks my heart to see his struggling so much. My mom said he couldn't even walk to his appointment today. They had to go get a wheelchair for him. He has always been so strong, healthy and the rock in our family. The doctor told us that there is no cure for the type of cancer that he has. He is dying and basically his treatment is prolonging the inevitable and making it a little easier for him to breathe. It's so hard to think that he may not be at my next graduation. At my LPN or RN pinning. When I go through the temple for the first time. At my wedding... My grandma seems to be accepting what is happening and is doing much better, but there still can't be one without the other. I love my grandparents, the example they are to me and the love they have for me despite my weaknesses.
On a different note, tomorrow will be the end of my week one training for my couch to 5k program. Only nine more weeks to go! I'm feeling so much better with so much exercise and I have lost 3 inches on my waist. Why don't I feel better emotionally yet?
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